did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I could have mohawked her pubes.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
