this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
