the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
