remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
