I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
