happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
