Already got asked if we're dating
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
