Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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