so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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