Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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