ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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