yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
