Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize