Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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