I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
