He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
