Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
