We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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