things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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