I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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