Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
