I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize