i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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