They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
