she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
