batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
