i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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