This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
