i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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