i think my tv is drunk
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do cheetos always look like penises
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize