mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
