that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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