Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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