You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
