Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
