It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
