Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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