So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
