take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Houston, we have a blender
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize