i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
