i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
