eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
