You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
