Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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