Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
