you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize