Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
