I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
