Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
