I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
