I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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