i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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