I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
