oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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