return my video game
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize