Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
