he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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