im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
