I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
