I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
