I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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