R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
