I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
