She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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