Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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