I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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