The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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