I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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