when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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