she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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