you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
