drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
